The End…..

I am going to shut off the blog.

I will leave this post up for a while so anyone that pops in from time to time will see that I am closing it down. I don’t think there are many of you. Four confirmed sightings.

Thanks for coming to visit but you know from the date spacing between posts that I just don’t have the energy to keep this up so I am putting out us all out of our misery. I don’t like knowing it is here and I have not posted. Either because I have nothing to say or just don’t want to come to the computer.

Most of you know computers equal work to me so this really isn’t fun so much as work. I have enough of that in my life so I am taking the pressure of posting off of myself.

Thanks for coming when you did, talk to you on the phone or in snail mail.

European Vacation

You may or may not know that I recently took a European vacation.

There were only a few things I really wanted to make sure to include in this trip, a trip to a concentration camp, a trip to Eagle’s Nest and to see a place called Berg Eltz.

I did hit all three locations. I keep a journal again this year but toward the end I was just kind of not into it anymore. I don’t know if I just wanted to enjoy myself without the pressure of a daily write or what.

My fears of the world wide web and being cautious about what I post lead me to tell you I will NOT be posting the journal on-line. At first I thought I might but the daily writings on a little bit at a time but that is more information than I would like to share with the never forgiving web.

Maybe it is an unreasonable fear but I prefer to keep things very general and generic for you just in case a perfect stranger wonders by and checks out the site. I probably should just shut the site down since I don’t seem to be very good at keeping up with updates.

I will wait a little bit and see what you have to say but if I don’t hear from enough of you then I will just shut down the blog. After all it was my way to reach out to you and if you aren’t even checking it out then I would do something else more for me.

Let me know your thoughts and I will let you all know the decision. Cheers.

Wednesday….

Wednesday half way between heaven and hell.

I am standing on the precipous hoping that once again the clock will save me and move towards heaven.

(Break for a rant….) I wanted to use the word precipous…still spelled wrong because I can’t even get close enough to the correct spelling to find out how to spell it correctly and the word brink or edge just does not convey the correct tone. Sometimes it almost makes me want to learn to be a better speller…almost.

Why almost? Because at the end of the day that is the fifth last thing on my list to do. Why fifth last? I figure there are at least four other things I would rather do less than study spelling. You know things like learn math or eat lima beans.

So for now I guess I will just stand on the edge and wait for Thursday, Friday, ahhhhhh the weekend.

Fundimental differences

What is it about a person that makes them decide everyday to be happy, sad, mad, loved, silent, still, restless, joyful, anxious, silly or whatever it is they feel?

What is it about a person that makes them decide for a lifetime to be fundimentally happy, sad, mad, loved, silent, still, restless, joyful, anxious, silly or whatever it is they feel?

What is it about a person that makes them decide to put their energy into staying happy, sad, mad, loved, silent, still, restless, joyful, anxious, silly or whatever it is they feel?

I am working to find that answer for myself today, what are you doing?

Wilted flower

Well yesterday’s wog was truly a test of my self preservation vs self motivation. I was a wilted flower about half way through the journey. The mental strength to proceed to the finish line was fading quicker than the sun.

I wanted to sit down and catch some shade and cool off but I pressed on…then 20 steps later I was ready to call the reinforcements to pick me up in the car…I pressed on…2 tenths of a mile later I was talking out loud to myself…”COME ON” 20 more steps…”COME ON YOU CAN DO THIS”…20 more steps I kept this up the rest of the way home.

Not once did I say why am I doing this to myself. I don’t think I want to think about the why but I was truly a wilted flower after the wog yesterday.

Here is the sick part…when I watched the weather for Wednesday (my next wog day) they said chance of rain and 2 degrees cooler, I thought good I don’t have to stop for the summer yet…

WOW, maybe the heat has gotten to me already and I just don’t know it. (Laughing at myself come along for the ride…)

Still around the bend….

I know it has been awhile since I posted but nothing has just struck me hard enough to take to time. You all know I send my work day on a PC and taking time at home to do PC stuff is well….really not fun.

I went wogging tonight and it was only around 100 degrees and maybe 30 percent humidity but it kick my A**. I also spent the day in the car traveling from Laughlin to Vegas right before the wog so I think that added to the fitigue.

I was really worn out when I got home after the wog, there were moments when I just wanted to sit on the side of the road and catch my breath but I was able to control my thoughts and plug away until I was home. I am back up to my 5K wog. I know I moan about it but I really do feel better after it is over plus I can give myself props for making another day.

I don’t know though I think I might have a hard time making once the temp starts to get hot…say 110 degrees or more.

Oh and the around the bend comment…I am still around the bend crazy for my Cassie bug. We had our 1 year anniversay about 2 weeks ago. I love her more every day and just wanted to say that. She is my heart.

I hope you are having a nice day, thanks for dropping in.

Wouldn’t it be nice….

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could take a trip to every country of a nice person you met?

I was talking with a guy I work with today, he is from Holland and he is very nice and super interesting. It is fun to get into conversations with him.

He told me he likes to talk to Americans because it is easy to defend Holland because most Americans have never been there. Sure there are some things that aren’t so great but they don’t know what they are…to which I said “So name one thing that is sucky about Holland”.

In short he said bureaucracy, I am keeping the long conversation that ensued to myself. All I will say is today was a great day…and fun to get to know someone else just a little better.

I hope you have a day of fun conversation soon too.

A day in the life…

I will be doing a test and leaving my heart for a long weekend shortly. My heart is my Cassie girl. Instead of trying to explain to the house/dog sitter everything they need to know I created the following. I hope you enjoy.

(Insert picture of my girl here) The computer is cooperating and I don’t have the patience to play in blog land.

Hello my name is Cassie.
Thank you for taking care of me while my parents are away. I really don’t require much; just know that I like to be around people. I don’t like to be alone but when you leave me I will try to be good. I have two care givers but I will tell you my story as if I only had one. This will help you and I get along.
I like my routines so I thought it would be nice if I told you what a typical day is like for me.
On a work day my mom gets up around 5:30 AM. She knows that I like her to take me downstairs before she does anything. She will open the back patio door and walk outside with me. When I am done we go back inside and head upstairs where she will spend 15 minutes in the powder room, make her bed and then and she plays BALL with me for 10 – 15 minutes.
She sits on the top step of the stairs and throws my ball into the office and master bedroom. Sometimes this works up the urge for me to take another trip outside. If it does I will try to tell you. I will stop playing ball and lie in the hall with my ball and look at you. If I stop playing at any time before 15 minutes of play is over, this is my way of telling you I need a nature break. I will look forward to resuming our play after a brief respite outside.
How about you just take me outside after our morning exercise if I did not tell you I needed to go. I don’t like to get in trouble and not going outside would be asking for trouble. Thanks!
After we play ball I will relax while my Mom takes a shower. I have a water cup in the master bedroom by the master bathroom door. Please make sure I have fresh water.
After mom is done with her shower we go downstairs.

How to care for me – Page 2
Mom will give me fresh water in my water bowl, put ½ cup of food in my bowl and put one squirt of “DermaCare” on my food. After she puts the food bowl down she will go and get one vitamin E capsule for me. She cuts the end off and I will lick out the oil while she squeezes it out of the capsule. If you like you can put it on my food. I will eat it that way also.
I like to have company in the kitchen while I eat my breakfast so mom does a bunch of chores. She will turn on the radio, prepare her lunch for work, wash any dishes that might be in the sink and then she will prepare her breakfast.
Mom likes to have a bowl of cereal every morning; I like a bit of Cheerios also. She will put a small handful (about 12-16 Cherrios) down beside my bowl. If I have finished breakfast already and am cleaning myself up in the living room she will call me back for the Cheerios. If I am still eating she will just put them down beside my bowl.
Mom brings her breakfast bowl into the living room and sits down for around 45 minutes to an hour. She watches programs on TV and I like to sit on her lap and take a nap after breakfast.
If I am in the living room before my mom she will pick me up, put a blanket on her lap and then put me on the blanket. She knows how much I like to sit with her and nap before she has to leave for work.
When it is time mom will put me down and head upstairs to dress for work. I will follow her up the stairs and vigilantly watch her every move. I know she is getting ready to leave me but I will be strong. Once she heads back downstairs I will quickly follow. I will normally run downstairs and sit in my mom’s chair. I really like it when she puts the blanket down on the chair before I get there. When we both get downstairs mom will open the front blind by the chair. Only half way; she knows how much I like to look out the window while she is gone. I will also look for her when I know she is due back home.
She will put a stuffed animal friend in the chair with me, pet me for a few minutes and tell me in a soft voice how good I am, to watch the house and she will be home as soon as she can. She repeats this a few times while she pets me. I like it; it comforts me before she leaves.
• If I have been bad lately she will block off the upstairs.
• If I have been good she will let me have the run of the house.
After she pets me and tells me goodbye she grabs her coat, lunch, and bags and leaves through the garage door. Right before she closes the door she tells me once more to be good, watch the house, and that she loves me. She turns on the “STAY” alarm and then leaves for work.
She doesn’t know it but I watch out the window. I like to watch the car pull out of the driveway.
There is a strict code of honor among dogs that prevents me from telling you what I do during the day while my mom is at work. Nothing personal, it just a rule we dogs have.
How to care for me – Page 3
I get so excited when I see my mom drive up. I get very vocal. I just can’t wait to see her and tell her how much I missed her. She opens the door and talks to me and pets me. She tells me how much she missed me and that she is sure I was a good dog while she was gone. I try to let her in the door so she can put her bags down, but I am pretty darn excited.
My mom understands that when she first returns home I have so much energy and excitement I am like a whirling dervish. Once she unloads her bags she will grab a “doggie clean up bag” and walk me to the mailbox. This will help take some of my initial energy and focus it. She lets me check my “pee mail” while checks her personal mail.
Since you and I are not familiar with each other, I suggest you put me on my leash. I will not be very happy about it but while we are out I might get scared, confused or not recognize your voice. I don’t want anything to happen to me while my person is gone.
Mom likes to change clothes when she gets home from work and all I want to do is play ball so she compromises with me. While she is doing small choirs she will toss the ball around. Once she is ready she will finally sit down and play non-stop ball with me for 10-15 minutes.
All the same rules apply when playing ball, if I need to take a nature break I will try to tell you so refer back to page one and remember the signs.
After mom plays ball with me, she will leave me…again. She still leaves the blind open and tells me to be good and wait for her. She likes to go wogging. We have gone together a few times, but truth be told I would rather stay home. I don’t like it when she leaves but she bought this goofy looking pouch to carry me in and frankly the other dogs laughed at me. The humiliation is not worth it so we agreed and she now leaves me at home when she wogs.
Now my mom is home for the evening. If she goes back upstairs she will toss the ball around for a few minutes and then while she makes her dinner she will give me a treat to munch on. (1 Breath buster, 2 dental treats and maybe a pupperoni) You should put these on my carpet in the living room. The area rug in the living room is my carpet. Mom will make sure there is always food in my bowl but I am a nibbler. I eat a hearty breakfast but then the rest of the day I nibble.
While my mom is gone I might not eat breakfast for you. You might try feeding me ½ a can of wet food.
Once dinner is over mom and I will sit in the chair. She will watch TV and pet me while I take a nap.
When bedtime approaches we like to stretch our legs so we go for a short walk. Mom puts me on the leash, grabs a “doggie clean up bag” and we walk. She usually takes me to the dog park fence and then around the block, behind our house and back.

How to care for me – Page 4
I have a night light in the kitchen mom turns on. Now I don’t often go downstairs at night by myself but she likes to leave a light on for me just in case. I don’t have the heart to tell her I am a little scared to go outside at night by myself. I love the doggie door she had put in for me but I still get scared. That is why I usually like her to go outside with me first thing in the morning. Because it is still dark and I am a little bit scared.
If you can keep this secret you and I will get along much better. What my mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
Where was I …oh right bedtime.
Just like in the morning my mom has a routine. Once she finishes her routine she is ready to play with me.
Sometimes before the official ball games begin at night, mom will go into the office and work on the PC. She will throw the ball for me while she is on the PC checking e-mails and chatting with friends. Once she is done though I still get my dedicated ball time. 10-15 minutes.
Remember to keep my water dish upstairs full.
After we play ball mom will toss out a few treats for me to munch on while she reads in bed. (2 pieces of Milk Bone or a few training treats) Sometime before lights out I jump on the bed and curl up on my mom’s pillow next to her head. Don’t take it personally but I probably won’t sleep on your pillow. I would appreciate it if you bring my mom’s pillow and house coat into your room and put in on the bed or floor near you. Initially I will probably sleep on the floor because let’s face it I don’t really know you, but I am a good judge of character and well my mom did pick you so, I might sleep on the bed with you right away. Either way I would like you even more if you make sure something of my mom’s is with me for bedtime.
Turn off the light now so we can get some sleep and do this all over again tomorrow.
Nighty night…
While you are staying with me just remember I love pets, hugs, playing ball at any time of the day or night and just being with people. If you can remember these things and share some of your warm side with me I think we will get along just fine.

(Insert another picture of my girl here)

I hope you enjoyed a day in the life.

Desperate times require desperate measures

Tonight is trash night. It is also our every other week recycling day. We gathered up our trash and recycling and put them out at the curb so that tomorrow the magic garbage truck would make our mess disappear.

It is my Friday so I stay up a little later than normal and later Cassie and I seek outside for another spin and then another round of ball before bedtime. Tonight when we took our second spin outside and I realized my recycling, well most of it, was already gone. Someone had come and taken our cans and plastic.

I did not know people could still get paid for recycling.

I have a friend who is VERY giving to others. I give when I find a cause that moves me and unexpectedly tonight I unwittingly gave. I hope it helps to ease a family’s burden in these desperate times.

I thought I was trying to save the world but it is nice to know I just might be saving someONE also.

Atonement

I have been thinking alot about atonement lately. Not my own, although there is always room for improvement in ones live I have been thinking about someone I know.

I don’t know for a certainty that this person has anything to atone for, I just get a sence of a heavy burden and moments in time,when no one is looking, a searching within this person.

I have had this feeling that I just want to reach out a hand and say “lighten your load a bit, I will try (I am only human) not to judge”.

I wonder if I am just projecting my own way of dealing with things onto this person? I feel so much better once I have “confessed” to a trusted soul, that I wonder if a “confession” would help this person.

I have this conversation in my head over and over. What would I say? How would I say it? How would I begin to offer myself as witness?

Trust is hard earned and I wonder if I have earned enough trust with this one to say…”If there is anything you every want to talk about I am here.”

Seems like a simple statement. I hear it in passing conversations all the time, but I rarely hear empathy and compassion behind the words. Can I do it, do I have enough empathy and compassion to hear a “confession”?

Maybe I only have enough to look for my own atonement.